riding in place

"One week."

"What?" I said.

"Give me one week. Promise me you won't do anything for one week. No job hunting. No looking at schools. Just give yourself time off. Be with your family. Don't think about work."

"I don't think I could do one week."

"Promise me!"

"Okay, okay."

It's been one month. I have filled up countless application forms and wrote and edited (and rewrote and re-edited) my resume and curriculum vitae over and over again for different jobs in communication, research, teaching, development-- anything that I had any sort of experience in my eight years of working.

My Masters degree and research experience in Canada must account for something, right?

And then I look at the qualifications and skillsets needed for a particular job and I question myself. Am I really cut out for this?

I send them anyway, full of confidence that I will be contacted immediately. I daydream mindlessly.

I look at gray skyscrapers in Makati and Ortigas and watch the morning commute from my bike and ask myself, Can I actually do that? Sit in an office from 9-5, join the morning madness, rant about the daily commute and our crappy transportation system and our traffic and pollution.

I look at teaching positions at the high school and collegiate level and gulp. Teaching gives me such joy and I am good at it, so it would be nice to do that again, right?

And then I fill up applications for Singapore and Hong Kong. I shake my head as I click "Submit application." Haven't I learned anything from working/studying abroad?

I check my email everyday. I don't hear from them. Then my insecurities and worries rise up. I reread my applications, checking if I mistyped my email address or mobile number.

There must be something out there, right?